You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
