I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
