Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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