He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
