Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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