how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you had me at cake vodka
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
