brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
