Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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