He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
