dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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