I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
