Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
