I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
