if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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