i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
