Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
