Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
