I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
