I wish I only lived at night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
