I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
