Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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