my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize