doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
