i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
