Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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