college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
