It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
