Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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