You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize