Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
