so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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