I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
