i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
