Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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