I wanna bring you to show and tell
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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