I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
