Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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