who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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