yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
