It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
