Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
