Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
