Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
