hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
