I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
