i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
