i barfeds in our rink
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
