I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
