Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
