haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
