I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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