When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
