Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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