I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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