While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
