how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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