I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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