did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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