What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
