I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
