I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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