he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize