in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
