Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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