That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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