I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We had to coat check the pizza.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
