STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
