# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
