remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
