I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize