Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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