she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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