Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
