And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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