My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
